Why Was I Arrested For This?

Like 4 weeks ago, I was being followed around Sears cause I kept farting and cropdusting the store and customers were leaving. They threatened to kick me out so I told them that if they touched me, I would stick a salami so far up their a$$ that Bob Barker would be singing French to a Beagle and watching Dumb and Dumber in Spanish. Cops came and arrested me. $500 bond. Said I threatened them. whatever. i hate laws